Sunday, February 5, 2012

One month gone

Where in the world did January go? Seems like it just started a short time ago and already it's February. I didn't post one time in January. Not because we didn't have anything going on, just that we probably had too much going on. Between dance, basketball, and cheer practice and games, we are staying extremely busy. We did take a day trip to Tulsa a couple of weeks ago to the aquarium and ate at the Cheesecake Factory. It was a really fun day, the kids LOVED the aquarium, but unfortunately I didn't take my camera. So, to say the least I don't have any pictures. We tried to take a few with our phones but they just didn't turn out too good. It was too dark in most of them.

The month of January ended with a tragedy for one of my dear friends. Her mom was killed in a car accident. Yesterday was spent at the funeral and being with her. Because of the events that transpired this week I have done a lot of thinking and a lot of praying. Her mom was only 59 years old. She was a beautiful woman who loved her family especially her grandsons. My heart has been so heavy and heartbroken for my friend. It has made me think about the relationship with my mom and cherish it even more. Alisa and her mom had a similar relationship that my mom and I have. My heart hurts for her that she will not have her mom here on earth anymore. And I can't imagine what that would be like.

So many times we ask why do bad things happen to good people. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes. But I always try to look at situations like these and know that He has a bigger plan that we just can not see at the time. All things happen for a reason. But yet we still ask why? I know I have said I didn't question why when the boys died. And for the most part that has been true. I know on some level I did though. I don't think I would be human if I didn't. So many times we walk day to day and don't think or question what is going on around us. But honestly everything that is happening, even the small things, are happening for a reason. But what reason? I guess only time will tell.

Because of the events of this week, I have had this lingering thought...would I want to know the day and time of my death? I know it's already been planned. It's already been set. But would I want to know. Would I want to know the day and time of my loved ones? Would it make a difference? Would I change how I acted, would I make every moment count? I guess what I am trying to explain to myself is that even though we don't know, can't know...I should live as if I did. I take so much for granted. Everyday. Would I take it for granted if I knew ahead of time that this moment, that this day, could be my last? Or that it could be the last for someone important in my life. I was reminded once again this week that we should always tell those we love just that...I love you. No matter what. Because we never know when it is going to be our last. We are not promised tomorrow. We must make every moment we have here on earth count and make it count for those around us.

Why is it that we go day to day and if things are good we are reluctant to praise and thank God for all that he has done for us? But when things are bad He is the first one we cry out to, we ask why, we seek. I need to learn to always cry out to him, praise him, seek him. I don't do a good job of that. I do when times are tough, when I know I need him. But when things are good I get too passive and don't say or do what I should. I also don't want to be the person that keeps saying I need to change and never do. I have been that person in the past. I don't want to be that person anymore. So basically I need to start living as if I do know when my last day here on earth is, so that maybe I will start to make every day, every moment, every breath count.